Confessing my stupidity
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I have a confession to make. It has been a long time coming and now I am a fully grown adult with a job and bills to pay, I can no longer avoid it.
Okay. Here it comes; I am not very intelligent.
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It started with a friend who confessed to postponing accepting the way she was and it got me thinking. It has been a feeling, slumbering in the corner ever since I was young. People around you go and study, I was lucky I could too. But I have noticed a difference between us that grew starker as we grew older.
Around me are inspiring people, intelligent people. People who got things to say. People who studied and gathered specialized insights. People that understand their trade and are able to build things. People who are intelligent enough to not only see or read but grasp a situation or subject. People who then take the time to explain it to me. I love it when my friends talk about things happening in the world and connecting the dots. I love to see their enthusiasm and I love listening to them. I love that there are people who write and video about their expertise so I can shamelessly try to pick up something from them.
But it is time to confess; this head is very much empty. There is no big or original thought™ happening up there.
Do you want to know something funny? I have a subscription for a financially and politically focused newspaper, because I really wanted to get a better grip on reality like my peers. I wanted to be able to talk with them, to have something to add. Do you know what the conclusion is? I don't comprehend jack shit about inflation or equities or geopolitics. I will not stop reading though, I love to read.
My brain draws the line at understanding. You may read, but you will not know; You may hear, but you will not extrapolate. Opinions? None. Conclusions? Nope. Head? Empty.
Lift music plays happily in the background while my brain takes the meatbag out for a ride. I am a fool and I am done pretending I am not. I am done trying to sound intelligent and knowledgeable. I am done thinking I have to be more, because I think it is more important to know what you can work with rather than foolishly fighting against yourself. It is not so much that I give up on knowing, it is more that I acknowledge my own limits. I am done hurting myself over the way I do (or mostly don't) think.
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I am not intelligent and maybe I never will be. And that is okay. Life is fun and full of things to discover. I love to watch the bumblebees dangle on flowers and I love to watch everyone living their lives. If I am your everyday idiot, I hope to be at least a kind one.