Distasteful things that people do

14 Sep, 2023

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You stand up to get coffee and you ask your colleague if they need anything. Your manager overhears you and asks you to buy them a coffee. You are in no position to refuse them. After you return they give no sign of trying to pay you back even though they make five times more than you. Even worse if they never offer to buy a coffee back... which is most of the time. It leaves a very bad taste in your mouth and you wish you had spit in the cup.

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When someone close to you has just died and people that come to visit talk about their own worries, like financial issues or a looming divorce. Even worse are the people who come to talk about their own health issues. There are even people trying to pry and figure out how much the person left behind. In the few decades I spent on this earth I am no longer surprised by the complete lack of empathy of some people.

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Just people that make everything about themselves are bad taste, in my opinion. They never seem to be able to be interested in someone’s achievements, process or pains. Conversations with people like this almost always follow the same script;¹
“Oh I went on my dream holiday to Peru, it was amazing!”
“Really? Yeah I have also been there. We recently went to the super secret crypts in Egypt and…” Followed by half an hour filled with what they did there and how amazing it was.
Or
“How are you doing?”
“Great, I just benched my best ever, 80kg, at the gym today.”
“Oh, that’s great, I usually warm up with that weight and then go for…”
Or
“You look down?”
“Yeah, I have not been feeling too good. My dog just died.”
“Oh no, that’s quite bad. I also was WRECKED when my hamster died in high school. She was the apple of my eye, that one, she would always…”²
They just always one-up you in a conversation and are very tiring all around.

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I find it in very bad taste when you are invited by a friend to celebrate their birthday, or you organize a party for them, and they send you a very extensive wish list almost like a birth list.
It’s not that bad when you asked for a hint or a tip for a gift, but when they send it on their own without you asking it really doesn't come across well.

I had a friend who said without batting an eyelid that they would rather we did not bring cheap gifts because they would not be happy with them anyway. Their list included, for example, expensive kitchen appliances and exclusive brands. When I questioned them about this (I was honestly just baffled as they knew no one of our friend group had a well paying job), they simply said that they were being honest.
That it wasn't meant in bad spirit, they just didn't want to pretend to like something they knew they did not want (their own words).
They concluded with "but you could all pitch in together for one gift". We were talking about things that ranged in the hundreds.
I had another friend who had also given a list, upon request, but with stuff ranging from a single-number amount to something more expensive. We also were free to choose for ourselves if we wanted to bring something else. This shows way more class.³

I’ve had multiple discussions about this and for me it’s simple and I’m not willing to compromise; any gift is something freely given. You have no right to dictate what someone HAS to give. If you know you don’t like cheap stuff, just ask your friends and family to bring food or drinks. I find people who are offended by this a little bit unsavory.