I miss myself on leave
After tasting the freedom of travelling for 3 weeks through America, I am having it very difficult to adapt back to my regular life.
I miss myself on vacation.
I am so, so lazy and uninspired back home. I can hardly seem to find the energy to do anything. It seems like I even forgot how to talk or how to interact with my colleagues and friends. Only with my best friends it seems like I can let my aching self show. What is wrong with me?
In America, every day I moved, climbed and discovered. My brain was so.. so...
I- I can hardly even write the feelings I am feeling. I sometimes feel like crying while most of the day I am in a neutral daze. I know I should be grateful I even got to experience what I did, I know I should be grateful to have the job that I have. It gave me the money and space to do this kind of trip and yet - and yet.
How is not enough, not anymore?
I got a glimpse of a different person, it was still me but a me that got the adventure I so long longed for. My brain was just so sharp, so uncluttered. I do not wear glasses, but it felt like I could suddenly see clearly for the first time. Every day I tasted the weather on my cheeks, every day I finally felt every minute I lived of it.
Maybe I got used to the hazy world around me, so much so that I maybe never noticed how deep in the murky water I really was. I need to get back used to it. I know 'real' life is not the cristal clear water we all hope for.
I'll settle again in this muddy pool, eyes on the horizon where I know the ocean somewhere lies.
…ᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷ