It is giving empty grapes
“I bought it; I bought the home.” Massa, one of my best friends, glowed, her eyes twinkling.
I looked next to me at Kevin. Kevin also turned his head and met my eyes, mouth agape, and then focused again on Massa.
“Jeez, seriously?” We both cried out, jumping up to embrace and congratulate her.
“Yes,” she said, a bit out of breath. "Yes, we bought it. And look…”
She proceeded to show the pictures she took of the house, and though there is still some work to do, it is a very good purchase. A big house with a big garden.
“Oooh, let’s stay there the night before the move; let’s camp together in the house.” I said.
“Yeah, on our air mattresses! And let’s eat together in the morning a little breakfast before the hard work!” Kevin answered.
“Hey, guys? Who says you’re invited?” Massa laughed.
We both turned to her in unison and glared.
“Who else would you dare to ask instead of us?” Kevin asked, miffed.
Massa held up both her hands to indicate she surrendered. “I said nothing, nothing at all.".
“I have a rubber hammer, you know? For demolition work?” I said, gesturing as if I were breaking down an invisible wall.
“I don’t think that will already be necessary.” Massa said nervously.
“Do you have two of ‘em?” Kevin asked.
…ᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷ
Massa, my beautiful, joyful, funny, hyper, and disorganized friend.
Once she was a chaotic projectile seemingly designed to make the lives of men harder, but now she is engaged and has... bought a house.
There is nothing more humorous about joining adulthood than seeing your friends also become adults.
But sometimes, it seems like your friends are better at adulting than you, and you cannot help but feel like you are being left behind.
I pride myself on never trying to look too much in someone else’s bowl, unless you want to make sure they have enough. But I am also not the kind of person to pretend I don’t feel envious when I actually do.
When I analyze my feelings, I can truly say I am happy for her. Yet, as she made her announcement, a heavy weight settled in my stomach.
My partner and I have also been looking for a house for the past year, though at a more relaxed pace. We don’t want to buy because of underlying pressure and make a mis-sale. But we are not having that much luck. The housing market in the area we are looking at is, well, horrible.
We both have jobs that are quite dependent on being close to a city, while Massa, for example, has a job that is in high demand practically everywhere. Her partner and she wisely decided to move to the outskirts, close to the border, where you have more cows than people. The houses are much more reasonably priced there, and you can still have some decent living space. So the sensible part of me, led by data and objective observation, notes that if we had different jobs and families in that same area, we would also be able to buy a house. But we don’t want to and cannot afford to live that far away.
In all honesty, I do love the apartment we rent right now. It is super close to one of the biggest cities in my country. We can take a bike to the city center, yet it is still a quiet neighborhood. We can easily reach other cities for work and have enough space for the price we pay. We were lucky in finding an apartment that was within our price range at all, actually.
But we will never be able to buy a house here; we would have to win the lottery. We cannot have a family in our current apartment; there is simply no room. The money we ‘lose’ on our monthly rent could be invested in a house (and more space) of our own.
And that’s just it, isn’t it?
I feel like I am being held back by things I cannot change, that the choice, for example, of having a family, is decided for me. I know it is important to enjoy this part of our lives too, because owning a house is not everything. When you rent, you also have a certain freedom. We should enjoy what we have now before it changes. But I am also scared.
When I went and got my degree, they promised me that if I worked hard and did this routine every day, I would be able to have my own place. Even though my partner and I do not get paid badly, we feel as if we will not be able to reach that goal.
At every bend, they tell me what I should do—invest, buy a house, get a kid—to do it right. But how? With what excess money? When I start thinking about all this, the room suddenly seems to get smaller, and a low humming sound settles in my ear, telling me...
…ᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷ
“It’s like giving empty grapes,” Massa said.
“A-what?"
“It’s like, you give something, but the flesh is already sucked dry, you know?”
“Like raisins?” I wondered.
“No, no… more like, you just got the skin.” She flails her hands around, gesturing at nothing in particular. “It’s an empty gift.”
“Imagine receiving only grape skins; I would take that very personal.” Kevin said.
“Imagine taking the effort of removing only the flesh of the grape... That has to be personal.” I said.
“You are both useless.” Massa groaned.
-An anxious Rat
…ᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷ