Pressing desires
There is a trend in current domestic appliances and items that is really pushing my buttons; namely, there aren't any with buttons left.
Our washing machine broke down. Since appliances like that are no longer made to last a lifetime and the repair costs more than the machine itself, we were forced to wastefully buy a new one. My partner and I strolled through the isles of the local dealer, pretending as if we were not going to choose the machine with the best (low) price for its quality. It was then that I noted that only some of them had one (?!) big button and the rest was just... a black rectangle touch screen. The machines all looked alike: black and white cubes, with here and there a little bit more black or a little less white.
"This one you can activate from a distance with the app." The dealer enthusiastically explained next to a less-black-than-white cube.
"What would you use that for?" I wondered.
"Well, imagine you want to have the clothes washed by the time you come home; you can do that from your car or at work."
"But then I would have had to put the clothes in the washing machine at some point... and there I could have put in a timer." I was really trying to understand how this would be helpful. The dealer laughed uncomfortably, but my partner, who was excited by the prospect, shushed me.
I let them brabble on and decided to take a look at the other appliances in the store. Row after row of 'smart' things, yet I sometimes had to read the card to understand what I was looking at. Black rectangles one after another, with no distinctive features.
When I got to the ovens, an "oh hell no" escaped from my mouth. My partner magically appeared next to me, as if sensing there was something we could ridicule together.
"What is it?" They asked.
I just pointed at the monstrosity in front of me.
Frowning, they read the flashy advertisement.
SMART OVEN
PREHEAT YOUR OVEN FROM ANYWHERE
CHANGE THE TEMPERATURE USING YOUR PHONE
SET AND ADJUST THE TIMERS WITHOUT LEAVING YOUR COUCH
Let's break this down; the first one is downright dangerous and is something everyone advises against, just like drying your clothes when no one is home. Are we really so lazy that we want to preheat from our bathroom? Or are the distances that long to walk? In what kind of mansions do people live?
The second question is, how frequently do you need to change the temperature WITHOUT CHECKING HOW THE FOOD IS DOING? The third one is more of the same. Don't you need to get up, look inside to see how the food is doing, and while you're there you change the timer?
Combine all of this with the fact that there are no buttons left, only a touch screen that cannot sense your slippery, greasy fingers on its surface and you have a complete and utterly impractical technical clusterfuck that tries to pretend to be an oven.
I want to twist and turn; I want to press and release; I want to sense it when I have done something and not be taunted by endless beeps when your big, fat fingers are one millimeter off the sensor. This buttonless trend is making things way harder than they should be, and adding an app to hide its impracticalities is not helping.
Adding to the problem is the fact that every interface works just a little bit differently, enough to make you spend too much time figuring out how to remove a child lock that should not have been on in the first place. And do they give you a manual to help you figure this all out? No, YOU HAVE TO FIND THE DAMN THING SOMEWHERE ONLINE IN AN OBSCURE LIBRARY THAT HAS NO DECENT SEARCH OPTION.
…ᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷ
We have bought the washing machine that could be managed from the accompanying app, despite my reservations. I have learned that some battles are only won by experiencing the outcome for yourself, not by explaining it. I am not counting on the producers to keep this app up to date for longer than the warranty, but at least it works perfectly without it.
The first sweet curses have filled our hallway as the app was not able to find our device, but hey. At least it found the neighbour's.
-Rat