Raise your glass, and salute the friendships gone by
I have ended a friendship of 17 years today.
There was neither relief, nor any lingering anger. Only silence, a bit like waking up on a foggy day. Nothing taking note or showing any signs of what happened, time just continuing on.
The lyrics of the song "I lost a friend" by Finneas never seemed to ring so true;
I'd apologize
If I thought it might make a difference
Or make you listen
I'd apologize
If it was black and white, but life is different
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The message I sent read:
"Hey Jay! I honestly haven't actually had the time
to reply yet, things have been extremely busy this
week. Although the message was unexpected, I do
really appreciate that you still texted me.
I honestly wasn't expecting it anymore.
I hesitated whether it would be better to call or
send you a message to reply, but I imagine a sudden
phone call would also be just a bit weird, and perhaps
too excessive. If I'm honest, it wouldn't feel right
for me to meet up. The last time we saw each other
did leave an impression. Therefore, it would not be
sincere to meet up now and pretend that nothing
happened and that I am okay with everything. But I
don't want to make it revolve around me, what has
happened has happened, and I don't want to sit around
blaming you for things now either. I mean it when I
say I am thinking of you and wish you nothing but
the best; after everything, you really deserve that.
Thanks for taking the initiative to text me.
I'm sorry for causing you grief in the past.
But for myself, I am going to back out.
Hopefully (but understandable if it would be the case)
you will not take offense."
I carefully re-read the words again and again, looking for any offending parts. When I could not find any in the carefully crafted message, I leaned back.
"Ah yes," I thought to myself, "perfectly diplomatic. I already loathe myself.".
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I have always loved getting off at the bus stop in my home town when I was younger. Often I arrived late, the night already falling, and the main road where I got off was almost deserted. I loved the feeling of crossing the empty, four-lane road; the world seemed to have come to a standstill.
You would want to be able to capture that feeling, bottle it, and taste it when the need strikes you.Β
From time to time, I leave a message on a virtual bus stop I discovered some time ago. I find that it is coming close to that same mysterious feeling that only my own bus stop could make me feel.Β Let's catch each other in between transits, shall we?
Meandering greetings,
Rat
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